I’ve just finished reading an article by Darryl James entitled The Bridge: What Michelle Obama Represents for American Women. Now, I have to tell you that I’ve read and re-read this article at least 5 times, and I still don’t know what to make of it. So, I’m hoping that all MOWers check out the article and see if your reaction is an AMEN or EXCUSE ME?
Here’s the gist of the article which provides Darryl’s answer to: “What kind of woman does a successful man want?” His answer, of course, is: “A woman like Michelle Obama.” In providing his answer, he explains 4 specific attributes or characteristics of the First Lady. These attributes are summed up by me as: Chaste, Supportive, Family First, and Fit. These are my words – not his and you’ll have to read the article in order to get the full experience of his explanation.
Darryl provides us with a “list” of things that “many American women believe make them strong” but American men might disagree:
Sadly, far too many American women think that being a strong woman means being argumentative (standing up for themselves), selfish (refusing to share even the cost of a date) and unaffectionate (not wanting to be touched the “at the wrong time,” because sex is often confused with affection) and unable to commit (“I don’t have to take this…”).
Hmmm…. O.K., moving right along… Darryl goes on to say that the average American man want a woman just like Michelle Obama because she’s “a beautiful, smart , successful, strong woman who is down for her man“.
And then concludes the article with a piece of advice: “…if you want a man like Barack, you must be a woman like Michelle”.
AMEN or EXCUSE ME??? You be the judge.
Posted by SjP of Sojourner’s Place.
13 Comments, Comment or Ping
W.Wondergem
The only and one First Lady
Jul 14th, 2009
Dee
Well, SJP, as a woman who is not American, I’m interested to see the responses of women who are.
Anyway, the piece prompted more “Huh?!” and “Huh?! again, than either “Amen” or “Excuse me???”, here!
It’s a little late, so that’s my wee offering, for now….
Jul 14th, 2009
Groovymarlin
I’m a white woman, and I found his article pretty confusing. He seems like he’s trying to say something profound, but he lost me when he got to his shallow statements about women who won’t go to the gym because they have perms. I think if you read between the lines you can see all of the author’s baggage on display, rather than any thoughtful analysis of what successful black men (and women) want and deserve.
Jul 14th, 2009
SjP
@ Dee, to be quite honest with you, Amen nor Excuse Me are my reactions after reading it a 6th time. But, I try my best to be “good” when I post on MOW. Even though there is research out there that says a few four letter words makes lif a bit less stressfull – I’ve promised to be nice :>)
@ GroovyMarlin, Yes, I think he might want a woman like Michelle – but, I really don’t think he anywhere near being like a Barack.
Jul 14th, 2009
Dee
SJP, I have to admit I’m still here, even though my bed is calling me very, very loudly, now!
Well, you’ve given me a chuckle before my head finally hits the pillow….I’m not surprised that you ended up reading that head-scratching piece 6 times!!
Jul 14th, 2009
SjP
@ Dee, LOL…now get some rest :>)…
Jul 14th, 2009
Cee Cee
Okay here is my take on his article.
I see it more as a tongue and cheek thing (more tongue than cheek) to the response of the “ignorant email” (as he called it) that told Black men if they want to be successful(career wise I assume) and have a Black women on their side at the same time to be more like Barack Obama…
“The email was from a Black woman, announcing to Black men that if they use Obama as a shining example, they can realize that it is possible for Black men to be successful and still have a Black woman on their side.”
So basically he is turning that argument(or a rant) back around at Black women(or the anonymous e-mailer) by saying if we want to be in a relationship with a success Black male than be like Michelle Obama.
It’s more of a smack at Black women while praising Michelle Obama just like the anonymous e-mailer did by criticizing Black men using President Obama as an exception of what a typical Black male is not. *not my view but the anonymous e-mailer view*
So it’s more of an Amen for First Lady Obama and Excuse Me for other Black women.
That’s what I got from his article.
But I disagree with his article and the anonymous e-mailer by them using the Obamas as the “perfect ideal” of a Black on Black relationship because no one really knows what type of relationship the Obamas have behind close doors. Or if they in fact have that “perfect ideal” relationship.
Darryl James and the anonymous e-mailer are projecting typical stereotypes we(Black folks) have towards each other in what we are looking or not looking for in each other.
Jul 14th, 2009
Aminah Hanan
This article left me wondering if Mr James is married or if he’s ever been in a healthy committed relationship. He seems to focus on what men want and the negative stereotypes that are attributed to Black women and unsuccessful relationships. Anyone who’s happily married knows it’s all about the unit, “the two shall become one”. The First Lady and the President are perfect for each other, that doesn’t mean that their formula will work for every couple. Don’t get me wrong, Mrs Obama is a wonderful role model for women and girls, but each individual has to chart their own course.
If Mr James has ever heard the Obamas tell their story or read any of the President’s books, he would know that the First Couple have had their share of rocky moments in the past, as all relationships do. Remember it took the First Lady a minute to warm up to the idea of her husband going into politics. I would like Mr James to remember what the Obamas said themselves, we are not unique, there are millions of Barack and Michelles out there.
We should be celebrating the fact that a Black man and women are the most powerful couple in the “free” world, not casting aspersions on one another.
Jul 14th, 2009
Robin
I Would Say Amen.
Jul 15th, 2009
Bea
These days people don’t cultivate habits that will keep a relationship healthy. Men and women focus so much on the negative. Complacency sets in and then you take each other for granted and that’s just so selfish.
I agree with comments from Cee Cee and Aminah Hanan
Jul 17th, 2009
Dara
I’ve read other things that Mr. James has written and he has some issues with women. That should be taken into consideration when reading this article.
Jul 20th, 2009
Dara
Also when the First Lady met President Obama, he did have a job, contrary to what Mr. James said. I’ll have to go with EXCUSE ME!
Jul 20th, 2009
Pamela
I give a huge EXCUSE ME!
Jul 22nd, 2009